Bush: The Manchurian Vulcanite

by Jonah Goldberg

From a reader re my stealth volcano post:

Subject: No it’s still Bush’s fault 

When I was in college I took a course titled, “International Energy Policy and Sustainability.”  I needed an liberal arts elective and as a petroleum engineering major I figured a course about energy policy would be right up my alley.  Right?  Wrong.  Lectures included how if America would support the global struggle for women’s rights global warming would diminish.  You see, in many developing countries in Africa for warmth the people burn dried dung patties that women spend their day gathering.  However, if we supported women’s rights the women and girls would be at school or work and unable to gather dung patties.  It would force them to use cleaner burning fuels!  Brilliance!

My other favorite lecture was about how George Bush is causing a rise in global volcanic activity.  You see, George Bush failed to sign the Kyoto treaty.  Because Bush failed to sign Kyoto global warming has continued unabated.  The rise in global temperatures has caused the melting of the ice caps.  This, in turn, has caused sea level to rise.  The rise in sea level has caused increased pressure at the sea bottom, including subduction zones.  The increased pressure on subduction zones has caused more crust material to be forced into the mantle.  CAUSING MORE VOLCANOES.  Therefore, George Bush is causing volcanic eruptions.  QED


So you see the volcano is melting the glacier BECAUSE of global warming.  The logic is so simple, so concise how could you disagree?

P.s. I hope you detected the sarcasm in this email

P.P.S. After the professor finished her explanation I challenged her “facts.”  I offered her a generous rise in sea level of 100 ft.  I was even more generous when I suggested that sea water has a density of 0.50 psi/ft (distilled water is 0.433 psi/ft and sea water is actually ~0.450 psi/ft but I wanted to prove a point).  The increase in bottom sea pressure given those conditions would rise a total of 50 psi.  Sounds like a lot but if the subduction zone is under almost 35,000 feet of water, the bottom sea pressure would be almost 17,000 psi.  What difference would another 50 psi make?  She got right in my face and said, “I AM A WORLD RENOWNED ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVIST THAT HAS ADVISED PRESIDENTS.”  I rather coolly replied, “Cool, that and a buck twenty five gets you a coke from the vending machine in the hall.”  I was promptly ejected from class.

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